Hey! Be My Friend - I'm Really Cool!

My title is a bit misleading as a certain percentage of kids are very badly behaved online but then that's true of adults as well.

I moderate our forums at www.moshimonsters.com as often as possible. It helps me keep my finger on the pulse of the community (literally) and it keeps my skills sharp in community as well. One of the largest topics in kids communities, in my experience, is "looking for" or "needing" friends.

It's fascinating how open kids are about this need or want. They simply post "I need a friend! Be my friend please!" and most responses include "I'll be your friend. Sure!" They add each other and start talking about their interests, likes and dislikes, abilities, talents, love for music, family etc. It's so simple and it works really well. MSN Messenger, AIM and Yahoo! Messengers, Skype, Bebo, Facebook and MySpace all have millions of connected teens and kids on their sites. Moshi Monsters now has tons of connected kids on the site as well but we're not a household name, yet :D

When I look at the older kids/adults posts, it's noticeable they tread carefully and promote themselves using 5 times the content. "I love The Beatles, Elton John, walk on the beach, sunsets, reading Tolstoy on a cold morning under the blankets..." is such a contrast with "Hey, be my friend. I need friends. I'm really cool!"

The argument may arise that the friendships between kids don't last long. They fight all the time, they remove friends from and put them back on their various lists. They spread around mean gossip when they're angry. They steal passwords and create problems for their "friends." Girls gang up on other girls. The list is endless but when I considered this list, I couldn't think of adults who didn't experience the same problems online (and offline). It's just not as quick and honest - it's covered in sugar and pretty packaging.

In general, most online communities organise and self-govern. There's very little need to go in and tell someone how to behave or what's acceptable or not acceptable. The community members make the rules clear and generally formulate the most effective rules. We can list rules "until the cows come home" (what IS that statement about anyway?) but it's the peer pressure that is most effective. Marketing folks figured this out ages ago, as did/do notable leaders. You get to the natural leaders of any community and you get to the entire community.

Kids want to follow and be organised just like the rest of us. They want boundaries (that's another blog - don't get me started on the lack of parenting!). They WANT to belong just like we do and therefore they need to learn the rules. They can read them but learning them comes best from the community at large.

As adults or older teens, we tend to put our guard up just in case we don't make the "cool cut." Our defense system has been sufficiently created by the school of hard knocks - you don't just BE friends. There's a protocol, a process, a learning period, a decision making process..., blah blah blah.

I really enjoy just being friends. I have tons of young (and older) friends on my Moshi Monsters friends tree :) It shakes with joy every day. I'm a friend collector just like everyone else on the kids sites. You never know who that friend will turn out to be. In my 15 years in this business, I've seen teens grow up and get MBAs and hire me as a consultant. I've seen pre-teens grow up and I've hired them as Community staff members. I've seen some become game designers with the biggest gaming companies in the US. And to know I had some influence (small or large) on the shaping of that person's choices for their future, is a whole lot cooler than anything else I've witnessed in the last mmm ajkj;a years :D

I'm going to go make some new friends now :)

Miss Pinky